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My Hope For My Girls
I hope you will always leap,dance, take risk and reach for the best part of yourself.
I hope you will find your way with kindness and faith. That you will unleash your joy and be true to yourself.
I hope you will celebrate the abundance in your life and embrace your vulnerability as a foundation for growth.
I hope you will collect moments of kindness, ask for what you need, speak of gratitude, offer forgiveness and believe in healing.
I hope you will embrace change and honor your intuition.
I hope you will stand with integrity and be proud to tell your story.
Challenged by small talk, a barrier to depth, a diversion from what is real.
I want to hear your truth, don’t sugar coat it. No matter how blunt or raw, I want to hear your thoughts.
I want to know the real unfiltered you, so that I can appreciated you for all that you really are. I am not interested in what you think you should be, I have a hunch that you are so much more.
Someday I will have flower beds full of daffodils. On that day, I will wish to trade them all, for the tiny little hands that picked everyone of my daffodils today.
I can’t even look at you.There is nothing left of the man I once knew.
I held on so long, it was illogical. Fingertips clinging to the cracks in our foundation.
Not willing to let go unable to fail. I made a promise for better or for worse.
But that promise was my burden to bare, not hers. I knew I had to protect her.
It never occurred to me, they would make her go back alone. Without me there to stand between and keep her safe.
I feel the ache of sorrow tightening in my throat. I pray she will never understand why I left. That you only ever show her the good.
Tonight, as I walk away with my healthy beautiful girl, safe in my arms I will count my blessings.
Home, again busy with the sound of easy laughter, a sanctuary of love and trust.
Vulnerability a weakness I simply can not risk. I consider myself to be a strong woman, I make no time for self-pity.
So long I spent with painful secrets, refusing to be defined by what had happened. I worked so hard to file each struggle away, tightly sealed and stuffed away in the dark and dusty space of my mind.
So many potentially crushing moments, never fully faced or erased but quickly packed away, to be forgotten and overcome.
My strength derived from self reliance and the relentless persute of the silver lining and a will to move on.
Now in a new and far more secure place in life, this strength,is becoming a detriment. No longer necessary, I find my self tripping over it as it changes form from a survival necessity to a impediment of stubbornness.
It is so incredibly difficult, for me to ask for even the smallest bit of help.
Though I would give my all to help and support those around me.
Perhaps it takes more maturity, to realize vulnerability is not a weakness
but an opportunity in life, to enhance and enrich the relationships of life and truly embrace them as a gift.
I carry so much guilt and worry.
How will my decisions impact and affect you? It was never a part of the plan, the conflict you face with a split family.
I pray I will make the right choices, keeping you safe while affording you the right to love, untainted, whom ever you chose to love. I seek to always keep your needs at the center of every choice and potential battle.
I am so greatful to be your Mother, I just hope I do it right.
The unsolicited Hug.
Soft arms wrapped around my neck. The smell of sunshine on your golden curls as you nestle your face against mine. I don’t ever want to let go.