I can’t even look at you.There is nothing left of the man I once knew.
I held on so long, it was illogical. Fingertips clinging to the cracks in our foundation.
Not willing to let go unable to fail. I made a promise for better or for worse.
But that promise was my burden to bare, not hers. I knew I had to protect her.
It never occurred to me, they would make her go back alone. Without me there to stand between and keep her safe.
I feel the ache of sorrow tightening in my throat. I pray she will never understand why I left. That you only ever show her the good.
Tonight, as I walk away with my healthy beautiful girl, safe in my arms I will count my blessings.
Home, again busy with the sound of easy laughter, a sanctuary of love and trust.
Vulnerability a weakness I simply can not risk. I consider myself to be a strong woman, I make no time for self-pity.
So long I spent with painful secrets, refusing to be defined by what had happened. I worked so hard to file each struggle away, tightly sealed and stuffed away in the dark and dusty space of my mind.
So many potentially crushing moments, never fully faced or erased but quickly packed away, to be forgotten and overcome.
My strength derived from self reliance and the relentless persute of the silver lining and a will to move on.
Now in a new and far more secure place in life, this strength,is becoming a detriment. No longer necessary, I find my self tripping over it as it changes form from a survival necessity to a impediment of stubbornness.
It is so incredibly difficult, for me to ask for even the smallest bit of help.
Though I would give my all to help and support those around me.
Perhaps it takes more maturity, to realize vulnerability is not a weakness
but an opportunity in life, to enhance and enrich the relationships of life and truly embrace them as a gift.