I think it is fair to say that the hot and humid Virginia summers and chubby thighs don’t mix! In an effort to combat the Level 10 chafe, that was ruining my summer, I discovered baby powder. You see, baby powder can be a real life saver for anyone with thighs that touch!
But there are rules for this life hack. 1. Never when wearing black! 2. Never with yoga pants. 3. Only in moderation. By ignoring these three critical rules, I found myself in one of the top5 most embarrassing moments of my life.
The day started with lots of confusion and everyone running about 30 minutes behind schedule, like every other day now that I am a mother of three. In an effort to be efficient, I had scheduled dental appointments for the entire family back to back. when I made this appointment I underestimated the time it would take to get the entire family, including the 4 Week old Baby, out the door on time.
After a million trips up and down the stairs chasing to corral our round bunch out the door, the chafe factor was of the charts. Out of desperation for relief I franticly reached for the baby powder and haphazardly gave the bottle a good shake or ten down my black yoga pants…..
It wasn’t until we were all waiting in the lobby of the dental office, that I realize the severity of my error in judgment. I bent over to dig through the diaper bag to find something to appease the baby… only to be interrupted by my husband trying to choke back laughter.
Highly sensitive about this strange and mushy postpartum body, I spun around on my heels to scowl at him and and demanding to know just what the hell he thought was so funny.Through stifled laughs he told me to look at my butt.
Well, easier said then done in my current form. So as I tried to crane around to
examin my vast behind for what could possibly be so funny. I pulled the black fabric of my stretchy yoga pants out, only to find my entire rear end was covered in white powder.
It was at this point, I made the most epic mistake one could make, when wearing black yoga pants full of baby powder. In the horror of discovering my dusty white rear end, I allowed my pants to snap back in place This launched a cloud of fine white powder into the air like a nuclear cloud.
Thank god the receptionist wasn’t at her desk! I frantically flailed my arms about in the air of the lobby, willing the fine white powder out of the air.
At this point my husband had erupted in laughter. I fled to the bathroom (being sure to keep my back side against a wall).
I frantically emptied my pants of what, I can only imagine must have been the entire contents of the baby powder bottle.
After desperatley trying to clean it all up of the dark wood floor of the bathroom, I came back out and casually tried to use my arm to brush the fine haze of powder that had settled on the ledge of the receptionist desk.
At this point my husband quietly tells me the counter is the least of of my worries, pointing to the floor of the lobby. I Looked down and to my horror, there must have been an inch of white powder across the entire dark wood floor of the lobby.
Completely embarrassed and defeated, I plopped down next to my husband and applogise for being so embarrassing.
He sweetly put his arm around me and said “Babe, don’t worry about it! There is nothing hotter than watching a white plume of dust erupt from your wife’s yoga pants”
Yet another one of those moments where I could Laugh or cry… So I cry laughed.